Mad Dog 6:13 Wed Aug 12
THE joke threads (part 5)
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Usual rules apply
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
joyo
10:53 Fri Apr 26
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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What's better than winning gold at the paraolympics ?
Walking
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Darlo Debs
5:15 Mon Apr 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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One friend to another, I see how you get Bill from William and Bob from Robert, but how do you get Dick from
Richard. Friend replies...show him.your minge.
Also nicked from FB
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MaryMillingtonsGhost
4:25 Sun Apr 21
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I've got a date with a women who identifies as a wheelie bin.
Unfortunately I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday.
*Shamelessly nicked from Facebook*
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BillyJenningsBoots
2:35 Sat Apr 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Shouldnt that be flogging.... joyless
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joyo
2:21 Sat Apr 20
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Texas Iron used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for bestiality, but then realized he was just beating a dead horse.
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Helmut Shown
7:45 Sun Apr 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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In our family it is a tradition at a funeral for the bereaved partner to throw the wreath over their shoulder to see who catches and is the next to die.
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joyo
3:13 Sat Apr 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A peado priest sympathiser,a conspiracy theorist and an Italian tramp walk into a bar
So the barman says "The usual class of cheap wine again goose?"
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Aalborg Hammer
1:00 Sat Apr 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A couple visit a restaurant .The waiter takes their order for octopus.
The waiter says " The octopus will take four hours to cook" "Four hours to cook an octopus!!?"
"Yes,he keeps turning the gas off"
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Aalborg Hammer
5:00 Thu Apr 4
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Why do bees stay in their hives in the winter?
Swarm
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Mike Oxsaw
11:09 Sun Mar 31
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Auditions are currently taking place for the next blockbuster American disaster movie : "A Bridge Too Few."
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Mike Oxsaw
11:22 Thu Mar 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A starving asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes.
The asylum seeker says "I'm hungry."
(POW!!!) A huge banquet appears!
He then says "Now | want a nice house."
(POW!!) A big mansion with a swimming pool appears.
He then says"! want to be British."
(POW!!) everything vanishes!
He asks "Where has everything gone?"
The fairy says "You're British now mate, you're entitled to fuck all."
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Aalborg Hammer
7:39 Thu Mar 28
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Jesus and the disciples go into the Garden of Gethsemane bistro for the last supper - Peter says "Table for 26 please"
"But there's only 13 of you" says the waiter "Yes ,but we're only sitting on one side"
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Aalborg Hammer
6:36 Mon Mar 25
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Just cost me a pound , yes , one English pound ,to put air in my car tyres .Used to be 20p - suppose that's inflation for you
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Aalborg Hammer
1:15 Fri Mar 22
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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My mate used to call his wedding anniversary day "Bruce Lee day" 'cos he used to go home and Enter the Dragon
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Aalborg Hammer
2:36 Thu Mar 14
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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A bloke comes home from work * and says to his wife "Do you want to try a new sex position? " "OK" she says "What do I have to do?"
He says "It's called the wheelbarrow - take all your clothes off and lie on the floor face down - I'll pick your legs up, enter you from behind and you set off walking on your hands"
"OK" she says "but don't go past my Mum's house"
*Not the same bloke as the flavoured condom joke
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MaryMillingtonsGhost
1:21 Thu Mar 7
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Koi fish always travel in groups of four.
If attacked, Koi A, B and C will scatter, leaving behind the D Koi.
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Aalborg Hammer
1:10 Wed Mar 6
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I got a call from my son's school today...
"Hello ,is that Mr.Jenkins?"
"Yes ,how can I help??"
"Hi,this is little Billy's music teacher"
"Oh-hello"
"Yeah hi,I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands"
"Really ?? Wow!!"
"Yeah- we found him dead on the toilet"
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Aalborg Hammer
2:38 Tue Mar 5
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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I bought an old Elvis record from the market “Wooden Leg”
I said to the store owner, “ I thought he sang Wooden Heart?”
He said "No...This is the pirate version"
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Aalborg Hammer
2:34 Tue Feb 27
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Dogs can't operate MRI machines - cats can
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Briano
4:35 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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Knock knock
Who’s there
Impatient cow
ImpatMOO
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OK_Guy
2:00 Sat Feb 24
Re: THE joke threads (part 5)
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what do you call a blind German?
...a 'not see'
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